My sleeping pills no longer help me sleep. The cycle is now complete, I tell myself. A malignant growth of negativity, is what I suffer from. I am no longer that kid whose primary school teacher described as an optimist thirteen years ago. I am slowly working to getting myself back there though. Yes, it is work.
How did I know I was depressed? (Yes, I do self diagnose all the time. After googling and going through WebMD)
- Sleeping pattern, I had trouble with sleep. I’d either have insomnia or sleep in ‘til 9am, yet still struggle to get up and go to work, which was like two and a half glorious hours away.
- Lethargy, I had no interest in anything, be it constructive, like work, or a hobby. No interest in movies or internet or twitter or listening to music, which is basically how I spent my free time (yes I am a pathological introvert).
- Self esteem issues, at work and my perception of life. I felt worthless, like I didn’t know anything despite many years spent at school and learning from life in general. I started questioning my purpose in life and I could not find the answers I sought.
- Suicidal thoughts. Coping with life became hard. Asking myself whether suicide really is a sin. The effect of my death on my family was not enough to stop me. I thought my family would be better off without me. And I’d be better off dead.
- Appetite. I became a poor eater. I never took care of myself. I never cooked. I spent most evenings starving on the couch. I simply had no energy to fix a meal for myself.
- Energy levels were constantly low. I was perpetually fatigued.
These are just but a few of the symptoms I had. I like sharing my story with people. Some people. Anyone could get depressed… If you have any of the symptoms above. You need help. Be not dismayed what people will think of you. It’s like malaria, anyone could suffer from it.
Recovery takes time and effort. You will need to see a doctor and a therapist. Work with them to know what triggers this mood disorder. I still haven’t found my trigger yet. You may need medication. I am now addicted to prescription medication ( I don’t mean to scare you) but once you get better the doctor will help wean you off the meds.