In a few short weeks, on Sunday 15th June, I celebrate 11 years as a survivor and to me, it means rebirth and this piece speaks that, the starting of my story.It is titled the story of me and it is a summary of my life for the past 10 years after sexual assault, living this a dual diagnosis of epilepsy and bipolar and most of all getting to a new space.
I would like to share a story,
I would like to share the story of me,
The story of me is not an inspiring one,
Nor is it attempting to be,
The story of me will not be shared,
For it is sad and depressing,
It is a desperate call for attention,
The story of me is not one mothers will use as an example to their daughters,
But one that will attempt to describe to my mother why I am not like other daughters.
The story of me is not a victorious one for every waking day I fail,
The story of me is self-pity to some extent,
It is a question to God of why I am still on earth.
It is my disregard to the system, rules and regulations,
It is me defying nature and its rules.
The story of me is about the nights I cry myself to sleep,
The story of me is about the confusion that goes on in my head,
I would like to share about the days I believed in virginity,
About my first sexual encounter,
About the violence against my body,
About the scars I still carry,
The story of me in about my lost faith in the family institution,
The story of me is in my head,
It is my insecurities,
About my mental illness
About the stigma and neglect,
About the hotness and coldness of my actions,
The story of me is about secrets I hold,
About an unstable relationship with God,
About days I have my tail between my legs,
About drugs I have taken but still woke up the next day,
About being lost and never finding my way,
About dreams I do not follow,
About my drinking and sex addictions,
About my relationships with those in high places,
About the men in my life,
About the emotional roller-coaster we are on,
About the fruits of our union.
About the fear of almost turning thirty with nothing to my name,
This is the story of me
It is about death that won’t come,
About realizing that until it does I need to be busy
It is about looking for beauty in the ashes,
About finding a way, my way,
The story of me is about being a coffee bean,
About changing the color of the water and not letting it change me,
It is about the healing power of sharing,
The story of me is about
I would like to share a story,
I would like to share the story of me.